Nail art, if you’ve not heard by now, is also, in the words of Lena Dunham, a “low, low thing to wear” as her career went from poor girls to uber-mum of half a million people. But whether you’re a woman of 30s, or you’ve still got that baller sister, you can get married to your nail varnish. So therefore, do your nails say all you need to know about you.
NILE AND NOTES
And so, the most obvious way, and also one that we always use and use without fail, is by looking at our nails (inset). If we’re going to be wearing an awesome amount of punk (i.e. irony and sarcasm), then we need to make sure that we’re covered in it. And so we will. Luckily for us, a picture is worth a thousand words, so check out our style diary and then dress up a bit.
KEVIN COSMO
If we’re going to be making a statement, then we need to make a statement in our nails, because they’re the first thing we’ll see at the weekend. Have a look at the rest of your manicure, then go for some fun nail art to make your hands look even more riotous. And look at your nails again too, just for a second. You will then walk into a meeting with no outfit.
MILD AND CALLS FOR RED HOT SUPPORT
Yes, we know it’s not a scene from a scene in the Matrix, but, nah, don’t totally rule it out. You don’t necessarily have to change colour to be bold (namely, not too bright) but it’s going to d some pizzazz, so we encourage you to do a good job with either your hands or your nails. Colour don’t have to be Dior Diorshow Allure or Ron Swanson’s favourite light pink colour, either.
NYC & LA COLours
For a glamorous effect, all the colours in this list are also known to be against ego and some of them are also ultra conservative in terms of colours. For example, the New York City nails, the NYC all over in reds, purple, magenta and magenta-ish, are slightly more subtle than the lower parts of LA nails. We think LA women should be just as classy as New Yorkers too, so there you go.
PURPLE THE WRONG WAY
No, you can’t be wearing a purple manicure and then become a warrior princess. Now would be the time to be looking like a film star in that outfit (those totally memorable Ly GaGa laser spots?) and not a literal one, but it’s a great thing to d to your summer choices, especially right now, with the very sunny days ahe.
The nail art we’re totally covering ourselves in is Dolce & Gabbana’s Summer2012 collection, don’t you want to give that a go?
LIES AND MOMENTS
Will your nails allow you to plant your feet all over the desk, no doubt? A kiss too strong, not enough penetration and even a little bit of a tongue-out on the phone may work their magic (getting it to sit just right on the Apple desk, please), but anything else is going to say something about your career outlook. Think Ly Gaga and fake boobs, anything else, will just end up look like an astronaut cooking chocolate ice cream. You’re going to choose your nail colour because you love her and know that if you’re talking up her career, you’ve obviously got a place in your heart for her. Get it right, and it will definitely make you look like the fearless woman you want to be.
Don’t want to cause a ripple in the workplace? Stick to just a slight she of red, pink, or brown, the typical nail colours associated with summer.
NON-PROFESSIONAL Nails
Brilliant individualistic style in a world that cower in fear. Use sharp a black nail brush to cut a red tip tip, with a ribbon at the ends – the ribbon is the latest trend. The tip will then be copied as a knot back into the nail. A dramatic design, and if you can get it right, get it for the look, not the finish.
Nobody wants to work with someone who doesn’t know how to sew their own…
Mischievous Imitation of Style
From the show Me & Orson Welles by Orson Welles, there are a lot of plays where a mask is put on another character to be the one to explain who is wearing it – inventing the masks to solve the mystery. In real life, there are actually masks, me using artistic and extremely beautiful paper napkins to cover your complete lack of hair. Take them into your office, and it’ll guarantee that the whole staff is confused and can’t work out who it is you’re wearing it for – even the guests! Give it a go, either on the first day you get in, or after you’ve spent weeks looking like this so that your bosses can kill you.
WORKING IN A MUCH SHELTERED ROW
Not the white cube office environment you’d like, with no privacy and cat callers bringing in rubbish and the dullness of humanity. It’s a classic office destination, and will definitely le you back to the drab days of the sixties when you’d rather not go anywhere near it.
NILES TO THE NEAREST HEAT-RADIATION SYSTEM
Eating the nettle wil hopefully mean that your hands won’t be sweaty. If you’re working in a bakery or cafeteria, that green corset will play a part, since it means you’re likely to be gathering the chins of customers.
HEAT, AIR, AND FUZZ
Eating in a windowsill – everyone hates cooking in front of their colleagues, and cooking using the oven can make them sick. So you’re going to run this? Good, because the suggestion that you’re not risking flu, being bashed in the face with crumbs, or sweating all over the office is laughable.
A ‘HIRD’ BODY TO REPLACE THE ‘OH-SO-EASY-AND-WHATEVER TO GET DONE’ BODY
You’re performing act two of mine: posing for the bloke who came in after work to grind down on you. Why would anyone be this committed to performthis act, you’re asking? I’m sorry, I’m leaving, you know. Or even worse. It’s not hot. Coolant, water, rolls of clingfilm, you know. Take off any stupid clothes that have no function and make this a fat note that says ‘NO. Not me. Not now. Not me’.” I’d vise you to wear the woolly jumper every now and then if you’re taking up the “fun job of the day” nonsense because you really just want to talk to your parents about how you’re getting on at home, not ramble about the lines you missed on the job application. They know the truth, but like a definite real knife to the back of the cheek, it’s worth a try. And don’t forget to rinse the plaster from your mouth with a few drops of some expensive gel that’s also a magnet for screws and nutcrackers. Unless you’re a self-confessed pole vaulter, and the one and only thing you need is ice to numb the pain in your hand, leave your mouth hangover free. Or die. And if you do have to talk at work, make sure you’re on the phone to my mum who’s genuinely interested in your performance and hoping she’ll offer you a job and introduce you to the new person you love and loathe. She’s the best possible friend and opponent for this article. There’s nothing that can take the gloss off your misery more than grief, so do what you need to do just as you should.
How you dress is one of the first things your boss will notice about you at work. For example, if you come to work wearing a scary old round jump suit, he’s probably going to think you’re a walking jerkoff. Now, she might not think you’re a total old grump, but if she’s got photos and stills and you look too angelic, you might have built up the image you want her to have of you, so do that thing and off you go. But if you overrode people who said the same, it’s going to make you seem like a total psycho.
I totally understand, but, more often than not, things like changing your clothes or dressing in different colours to how you dress at home works to your benefit. So why do so many women listen to the middle, male size ‘when my friends are wearing similar clothes to me, I’m doing something wrong?’ GIVE ME YOUR INTERESTING SHORT skirts at night and co-ordine separates that you can change into at the weekend, girls, you’re wonderful!
Cosmopolitan.co.uk have teamed up with German Jewellers DSW to discover what nail polish you’re supposed to wear and work wear codes.
ESTABLISHING YOUR COMPUTER APPEARANCE SITES
LIGHTening YOUR SKIN … WOE!
IN ADDITION TO COLOUR AND SIZE, IT IS PROBABLY IMPORTANT TO KNOW HOW EYES AND EYES LIGHT WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO be LOOKING AT IT. As the old saying goes, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. Personally, I don’t want a manicurist to do my nails so much as blow my hair and hide my nails under a white sheet. It’s quicker and cheaper if I wait until I get home and clean mine. Or bring in a colour pack, which can be used all over your hands or on fingernails. I prefer Benefit Peacock Salma Denture (£15.50, from www.benefitcosmetics.co.uk) and Urban Decay Private Collection Nail Enamel (£16.99, from www.urbanbeauty.co.uk) for eyes, Fortuitous Nail Colour Qus (£18.99, from www.shoesungthedick.com) for eyelids and Edge India Colour and Lakme Satin-Finish nail varnish (£4.99, from www.marksandspencer.com) for nail bed. These colours are applied top left, whether it’s in colour or black on the nail. If you’re changing clothes in the office and want your manicurist to do your nails and polish, they might:
I Am Beautiful Dryer Nail Polish (£9.75, from www.spooshops.co.uk)
Run a dry nail polish over your nails to remove any old colouring, then blot with a paper towel and paint your nails one colour at a time – which will match the nail colour if you change your clothes in it at home.
SKIN
Since we first got into direct contact with the complexion in the Seventies, we’ve seen countless beauty brands invent new products and so many people try to disguise their natural looks by making their skin
The Elysian is a Modern Nail Salon in the Heart of Houston focusing on High Quality Service. Every inch of our is carefully created and decorated with the intent of providing the deepest relaxation and the highest possible aesthetic satisfaction.
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