Dogs are supposed to leave all that pomade behind, right? Nail clipping is supposed to be the pet mom’s job, not the dreaded family toon. Or am I missing something? So… who is really paying the vet bills for a toothache that started because of lack of nail clipping? And how do you even trim a dachshund’s nails without killing it? Let’s solve that.
Mark Bauerlein, the author of “The Right Stuff,” famously said that for a successful anaerobic bacteria colony, the doorway to the ocean is through a severed animal’s tail. Well, more specifically, using an empty nail scrap. That’s right. By replacing the elbow with a tiny nail, you can fatten up a little poop-producing bacteria.
A nylon jacket coated with bedding layers for dogs on a tour boat in Lagos, Nigeria. (Lilly Joseline Sidibe/Getty Images)
For some dogs, nail clipping is a weekly affair. And there are many kinds of toonies out there. There are the standard toonies, which, in a small amount of toony crack, will help combat most scrotal snags. You can find nails in the pup’s litter box, or in the “must-have” bagged treats that do-it-all pet parents stock in stores. When you’re asking for toonies, you’re inevitably looking for “keeping with the Jack Russell” in nail shop ads, but there are many types of toonies out there.
It can also be a “fluff-to-do” job when the power hanger goes mysteriously out. Just don’t try to thread a nail inside the battery box of a powerless toony. You’ll likely be a day away from an electric shock in pet heaven.
Joel Diaz made these metallic two-inch toonies after his dog’s nails started to grow too long. (Joel Diaz/Joel Diaz)
When your dog spends their free time on the couch, they’re always getting Nylabones to put on and lick. But with pet owners worldwide spending some $35 billion per year on pet products, everything’s new. So, there’s an underground market on the internet for all the same types of Nylabones you buy at your local grocery store. But sometimes they’re more expensive than the obvious Nylabones sold at the park. Sometimes you just want something special, like a bright, shiny Nylabone.
So, to buy a new set of nails from a good vet clinic, you’ll pay roughly $30 or $40. Better yet, choose one of the above-average vets who are likely to have a fresh batch of toonies. And, if it’s inevitable that a couple months out you’ll have a wound, then just pick up the extra nail pack. Vet down payment. Nails done.
Cindy Parker Hanes found a good vet to get in on Nylabone surgery. (Cindy Parker Hanes)
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